Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he thought i was a dude.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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