I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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