so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
