Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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