keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There are leaves in my underwear?
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