Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
