apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
