I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
