It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
