very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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