I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
