She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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