i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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