exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
