Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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