I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
