I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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