So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
