I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
