soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Panties = found
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
