i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
