ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
