i just wanna soil my oats bro
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
