woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
