I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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