Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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