he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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