hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
