I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
