They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ugly people sure do ruin things
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
