remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
