We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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