I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize