i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
