Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
