shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
