def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
