i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
