You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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