I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
