Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
