The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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