Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
