he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
