Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
