a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize