I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
