giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize