I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
