Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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