Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
