hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
