how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
