sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
