Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
