i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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