I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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