i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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