I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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