You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
