I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
