Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
