Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
