I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
