Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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