Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
