Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
