I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
