Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize