I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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