??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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