I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
