At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to sanitize my soul.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
