even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
