Need sex. Gaining weight.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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