Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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