worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
