Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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