She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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