hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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