Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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