As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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