i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
