Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
