You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
