awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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