She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
