Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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