this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize