I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
