I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
