AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
