Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
