I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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