The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
