Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
