I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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