You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
