What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
