I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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